Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Complaints From Your Goldfish -by Alison Wu

April 29, 2015

Dear Owner,


    Thank you for actually paying attention to me sometimes. I know it’s hard, with you being busy with your work and all, but have you noticed how badly you have been taking care of me? I, as a goldfish, deserves more respect. You do not seem to be aware of all the problems in my tank here. By the way, have you noticed that you haven’t changed the filter cartridge in HALF A YEAR??!! (The package says to do so once a month). Please think about changing the following conditions, if you actually care about me.

    First of all, there are way too many pebbles in the fish tank. Actually, maybe I should call it a fish bowl, since it’s so small. Anyway, the rocks pretty much fill up half the bowl, and if you ask me, that means there is not much room left. The package that held the rocks when you bought them said very clearly to use only half the rocks in a standard fish tank, and a fourth of the rocks for a fish bowl like this one. Second of all, remember when you bought me? (And I personally think that it’s kind of stupid for that store to sell me for fifty cents. We fishies are worth more than that, aren’t we?) The store dude said to make sure I had enough space in the tank. Third of all, those other fish you put in the tank with me should probably go away. They swim so fast, it’s a wonder that I actually get to some food fast enough to stay alive. Also, they are annoying. Especially that fat red one. He snores so loudly (even when he’s not sleeping), I barely ever fall asleep.

    Another thing. The water and the cleaning. Last time you had fish, they all died because the water wasn’t clean. You need to put clean, filtered water in my tank and clean it  every month. Tap water and sloppy, ineffective cleaning every six months just won’t do. Also, don’t use the sinking kind of fish food, or at least use a different brand. The kind that I get results in countless numbers of rotting fish food at the floor of the fish bowl. Please try to be more responsible with your pets.


Sincerely,

Your Hopeful Pet Fish


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